Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
