I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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