remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
