Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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