Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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