I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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