I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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