my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
