It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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