so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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