And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
