My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Randomize
