So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
