you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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