Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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