Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
