I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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