I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Found the puke drawer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
