I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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