Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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