I want to walk on stilts...naked
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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