Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
