Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Kiss
Puke
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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