I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Two words: nipple clamps
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