i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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