Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
