And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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