i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
