That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
