Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
