I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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