I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
