Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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