Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
