I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
