So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
