Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
