I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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