I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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