:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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