i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Are my feet made of real feet?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
