Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
