I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
