yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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