Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
