The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
