She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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