I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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