Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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