I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
