kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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