Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
