Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
