On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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