i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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