Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
