i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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