question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
