Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
