So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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