as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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