peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
