It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
