Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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