New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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