Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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