Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(682): View more from Texas

It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good

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(817): View more from Texas

I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

So drunk i had to piss sitting down...

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.

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(540): View more from Virginia

You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(425): View more from Washington

It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.

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