I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He did a backflip because drugs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
