Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
