I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And then my night got REAL pukey
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
