my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
