I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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