saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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