I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
