if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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