Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
