All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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