I need to stop coming to work sober
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
