He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
