Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize