I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
