my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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