Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
