Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
